God's Word

I feel bad as I haven't written in a while but its taken me some time to adjust to everything new in my life. I have moved, learned I can't always have my son (which sucks), and am trying to find my next steps. To elaborate: I moved, bought furnature, realized I can put most of it together by myself and realized how much I miss a kitchen table. I am learning that Alex can't always be with me as he needs his daddy too, it hurts and its lonely alot, so I got a cat (see below for me on that), but I have Alex ALOT and he is so worth it. As for the next steps ... well that will get a paragraph (or two) below also.

I now have a three bedroom, two bath trailer to myself. WOW way more than what I needed but I knew it was the right one out of all the ones I looked at, and most importantly, it was CLEAN. I need clean. It doesn't look it right now but I will fix that after I get some sleep. Its weird being "alone." Sometimes I just don't know what to do. I am re-learning things I loved to do. I remember now I love hot baths with a good book and not having to share the TV remote. I hate sleeping by myself. Its hard going to family oriented situations and not having the daddy there, just thinking about that still brings tears to my eyes. I want Alex to see things normally, he will NOT miss out on anything based on this. Its not his fault his mommy and daddy aren't together. The alone thing is weird for me, I have always had a significant other or room mate(s) living with me. Therefore, I got a cat. I don't like cats; Alex is mean to them, I still got one. He named our cat "kitty"... so I have a cat, who cries all the time, who drives me crazy. What was I thinking?! Alex drags Kitty around by various body parts, puts her in tonka truck and takes her for rides, chases her, calls her, sets her free from the bathroom, and he has this evil laugh as he does all these things.

Recently, I have been learning and reacting and adapting to the life God has in mind for me. Its so hard sometimes, the biggest challenge he has ever given me that I am so happy to take on. I am learning he speaks to us when we least expect it and sometimes we don't understand the message. Othertimes it makes me cry and other times I cry for no reason. I am tired of crying just for the record. There are days when I have huge pity parties for myself but I don't know why. Yesterday was one of them; I spent a good part of the day crying and feeling bad for myself. Then I learned of another heath issue with a little boy whose mommy's blog I follow and it brought things back in check for me. Alex is heathy, happy, energetic, crazy, all these wonderful things; what reason do I have to mope???

I am amazed at the way God has chosen to communicate with me. Going back to church for me was the best decision I ever made. I love it there; its like a second home. I am working on becoming a member so follow me and support me and pray for me in this journey. To elaborate on the ways he speaks.... The bible has a part in it and I don't remember where but it discusses the value of the three phenonmon (IE three people suggest something it may be worth following through with). So as I have moved out, and am trying to move on, three people have suggested to me I ask a person who I will call "One" for the sake of this situation out. Well I am not really a shy person but I don't know how to ask people out. This is a matter I prayed on for awhile, thought I ways to approach One and numerous other things. Well tonight before work I was watching TV and had this urge to go grab my bible and read out of it at random. So I opened it to whatever pages my fingers lead me to. Interestingly, oddly, enough... the chapter of the book that I was lead to read also happened to be One's name. I am wondering and have alot of faith in the factor that this is God telling me to make a move in this direction. Its extremely humbling. I guess there are no other ways to throw something in my face but to put it in writing. Shocking, humbling, something there... any ideas?

More of God's word for you... Church... I am going to start doing children's ministry again. Thanks to Jen I am so flippin excited!! I had a tendency in the past to give up on things I love to do for myself very easily. I am not doing that anymore; I was more than willing to find an excuse so that I didn't have to do something I wanted because of another factor; MY bad. I refuse to do that! I am praying for the guidence from the Lord, at the suggestion of Jen, to start a small group aimed at single moms. I know it would be great to have other women, who face many of the daily challenges I do, to communicate with, to relate with and to grow in our relationships with the Lord with..

These are things that remind me that God has something so big and so amazing in store for me that I have to hit rock bottom before I can really, TRUELY appreciate what it is. I know God has amazing plans for me and I am going to do my best to follow these plans. Some days though, I have to ask, what is ROCK BOTTOM??