Tonight I pray for the strenth I need in the coming days and weeks, I pray for the ability to accept the things and I cannot change and to change the things I can. I pray to stop crying and for the fear to subside. I pray I am doing the right thing and things as each day progresses. God my heart is opening and I am listening with all my being.
See, I know God has something in store for me SO big and SO overwhelming that I am overwhelmed now with emotions so that I can be ready and willing to accept his challenge and become the person I want to be. So that I can be the person I need to be as I follow the path he has laid out for me.
I feel like I have lost family, friends, and so much more lately. I feel like I am failing my son by giving up. I feel like I gave up and I know what I am doing is right; I just need to know why. In this case God is the only reason I know why. I never saw myself in my current position; I never expected what has come out of my life.
The important things are that Alex has a mommy and daddy who love him so the point of no return. He is a happy, loving child who will continue to grow and amaze us daily. God is in him, pushing him forward daily and showing us the innocense of childhood again.
Tomorrow I go and sign a lease for my new place. I am excite, scared, overwhelmend and so much more. I have been crying out of pure fear and some heartbreak.
Right now I am asking for your prayers. Please pray to help me get through this. Please pray for the situation. I know I am ok, I know I will be ok and I know its ok to be scared; I just don't want to be anymore.
Monday, September 21, 2009
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Listening ...
Every day on my facebook page I get a message from God ... this was todays: "Prayer is when you talk to God. Meditation is when you become quiet and listen to God. You've learned how to talk and ask well. Time to learn how to listen and hear, because God has been answering you."
I never realized how hard it can be to listen until recently. I listened to God, I heard him guiding me the right way, I've made my decisions and I am living with them and moving foward. I have been saying for awhile now that I know God has something in store for me so big that I can't even begin to grasp it. Lately, I have been reading his word and trying to digest what he wants and where I am supposed to go next and I just don't know. Maybe I am not listening hard or close enough, maybe I am so set in my ways I need to change that so I can get set in his ways. Maybe, I am too selfish to understand what he wants out of me. I am so glad I am going back to church next week; its going to be a little overwhelming but so worth it.
So today my goal is to spend more time listening to his word and less time questioning what I am hearing.
I never realized how hard it can be to listen until recently. I listened to God, I heard him guiding me the right way, I've made my decisions and I am living with them and moving foward. I have been saying for awhile now that I know God has something in store for me so big that I can't even begin to grasp it. Lately, I have been reading his word and trying to digest what he wants and where I am supposed to go next and I just don't know. Maybe I am not listening hard or close enough, maybe I am so set in my ways I need to change that so I can get set in his ways. Maybe, I am too selfish to understand what he wants out of me. I am so glad I am going back to church next week; its going to be a little overwhelming but so worth it.
So today my goal is to spend more time listening to his word and less time questioning what I am hearing.
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Thankful Thursday
I bet you thought you would never see me get to a Thankful Thursday on a Thursday ... but look!! YAY for me, taking a small chunk of time for myself. What a rare thing. This week I have some things to be thankful for:
1) God ... there are times when that is the only person I have to talk to who I know TRUELY listens and right now I need that. He works in ways we may never know but I know he listens.
2) Alex ... as much as he tries my patience on a regular basis I would be completely lost without him. He is so random and silly sometimes, even when he tries to bail out of the grocery cart and make me look like a bad mommy.
3) Healing ... I feel good most of the time, thanks to the little things in life. I know things are right but scary and I just accept.
4) My new work schedule ... this is my LAST Sunday I work for at least the next three months. I am SOOO excited to get back to church. It will be so good for me and Alex
1) God ... there are times when that is the only person I have to talk to who I know TRUELY listens and right now I need that. He works in ways we may never know but I know he listens.
2) Alex ... as much as he tries my patience on a regular basis I would be completely lost without him. He is so random and silly sometimes, even when he tries to bail out of the grocery cart and make me look like a bad mommy.
3) Healing ... I feel good most of the time, thanks to the little things in life. I know things are right but scary and I just accept.
4) My new work schedule ... this is my LAST Sunday I work for at least the next three months. I am SOOO excited to get back to church. It will be so good for me and Alex
Sunday, September 13, 2009
My Date with a 1 Year Old
So last night I decided I wanted to go out. Well I didn't want to go out alone so I took Alex. We went out to eat at KFC because, quite frankly, its hard to eat out with a toddler. Well we ordered out chicken and sat down to eat and then he proceded to get mad because I get BBQ sauce not ketchup. So then I went and got him some BBQ and we proceded to eat (very little on his behalf). Then he got up and wanted to wander around the restaurant, a friendly reminder why this was my "fancy" restaurant of choice. Then he started flirting with all the other girls!! I need to teach him how to treat a date. Once I got him rounded back up and in our seats he ate his ketchup and babble to the other ladies until it was time to go. Let me tell you; not the best date but it was nice to go out for a little bit.
On another note: I get to start going to church again on the 27th!!! I am so freaking excited!! I have been seeing online what they are doing to the kiddos rooms and I am MORE excited!! I can't wait! Church here I come!!!
Also, I am reaching out to the blogging world here. If anyone is getting rid of any household items please think of me. I am getting ready to move out on my own and am super excited but need alot of stuff still. Furniture, kitchen stuff, you name it; I probably need it. THANKS!
On another note: I get to start going to church again on the 27th!!! I am so freaking excited!! I have been seeing online what they are doing to the kiddos rooms and I am MORE excited!! I can't wait! Church here I come!!!
Also, I am reaching out to the blogging world here. If anyone is getting rid of any household items please think of me. I am getting ready to move out on my own and am super excited but need alot of stuff still. Furniture, kitchen stuff, you name it; I probably need it. THANKS!
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