A Wedding

1 Peter 4:7 says " Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you."

I usually try to blog on Saturday's. Its a good day for me to do so as I work all day alone and it gives me time to think, ponder and contemplate in beautiful silence (hopefully). Its been a good few days; all of Lance's family made it in safely, Alex is trying to be on good behaviour, and I am running on little sleep but I have tomorrow off.

Lance's dad gets married in about seven hours. Its a weird thing to digest: A parent getting married. My mom got remarried when I was 17 (I think, I remember I could drive at the time) and it was a shock to the system. I don't know how Lance feels about it to be honest. He's pulled into himself which means he is trying to cope. He is anti-touch which means he is struggling to some degree. I just have to live with it and take it as it comes.

To some degree this is hard for me too. I always thought I would be married. Lance and I are living together, sharing money, living the married life without the vows and me still with my dads last name. This usually doesn't bother me like it is today. Today, I want to cry about it, stomp my feet, make a scene, and generally act like Alex does when he doesn't get his way. I am holding back. Usually I am content knowing we are living the married LIFE; the faithfulness, love, caring, being there for one another, being parents, all that it entails but it drives me crazy!

Now, many of you who know me, know that I don't mind confrontation when necessary but this is not confrontation worthy and here is why: To ask about it causes a fight. It may not be a big one but it is definitly a rift that lasts for days. Why on earth would I want to live with that? Lance gets all grumpy with me about it. I hate it and its not worth it to me. He makes my life insane for that time until he gets over it.

When we first started dating Lance would openly discuss the fact he wanted to get married with me. Now, its a new cuss word. Go figure. This is one issue that is definitly in God's hands and I just pray and hope for the emotional stability I need to get through it.

Otherwise, all is good and I am taking on the world as it comes at me. Alex is going to be TWO in November. I don't know where its gone and it takes my breath away when I say my baby is 21 months! He is still behind on his language development and that has me worried but I am going to wait to start some intervention with him. They wanted him to start at 21 months and I just don't feel he is THAT far behind. I have convinced them to wait until he is two; who knows what th next three months may bring about. Another item, yet, in Gods hands.

I have a doctors appointment on Tuesday (as you read this, you will see where the stress is coming from). I found a lump in my breast that doesn't seem to be going away. We will see, I will pray, and I will have strength because that it what I must do.